Stolen Dreams

All feels lost as I stand before the Jordan River with my feet planted at its edge, the murky waters lapping at my toes. I watched my stolen dreams sink to the bottom, out of reach and irretrievable, a rippling ring moving out from the entry point. I felt hopelessness ascending to the surface of my soul, expanding like the rings of water.
“Were they your dreams?” inquired the Lord. “Or were they borrowed?”
The bewildering question shifted my attention to Jesus standing beside me, also surveying the waters.
“What do you mean?” I asked with a puzzled heart.
“Show me the exact place where your dream sank.” said the Lord, pointing to the waters.
While I was surveying the location, I felt Jesus’ hand interlock with mine, spinning me to face Him directly. Our eyes locked, Jesus reached for my other hand, softly brushing both against His lips before placing them over my heart and holding them firmly in place.
“The current of the Jordan runs fast and deep, but I control the living waters that flow from your heart. Make Me the object of your faith, casting My promises in the exact spot where you lost all hope. I will draw-out your aspirations, for I satisfy the desires of every living thing.”
“My hands of faith seem empty.” I confessed, lowering my eyes in shame.
“On the contrary.” said the Lord. “Your faith is very pleasing to Me. I see you keeping My Words and diligently seeking Me in all areas of your life.”
Clinging to every affirming Word, tears began to flow down my cheeks as I was overtaken by the Lord’s profound love, even in the midst of my faith crisis.
Jesus cradled my face in His hands, observing the state of my heart. I felt the center of my soul become still as His thumbs lightly brushed the surface of my skin, wiping away the teardrops.
“I sit enthroned above the circle of the earth. All things are held together by Me, the Creator of the Universe. Surrender your dead dream to the One who swallows up death in victory. I will alter the components of that dream making it rise anew, tailored to My purposes and doubling your portion. There is always a death before there can be a resurrection.”
Comforted by Proverbs 20:5, 21:1; Colossians 1:16-17; Isaiah 25:8, 40:22; John 4:10; Genesis 1:1 & 27; Revelations 4:1; 1 John 3:22; Philippians 2:13; Job 42:10; 2 Kings 6:1-6.
Here I sit at a crossroads in my life, idling in an intersection of decision, the signal before me glaring ruby red. Looking in my rearview mirror, I see my well-traveled, familiar path. It brings me a sense of comfort, but the streets are lined with grief.
The warning center sounded the alarm – a tsunami of grief was barreling toward the shoreline of my heart, generated by a disturbance, and driven by a powerful force. Apprehended by the undertow, I was dragged into open sea and pulled down into dark waters. My lifeless body hung in suspension while my mind bore witness to the silence within the aloneness.
The sky was dark with the absence of the moon, a single star emerging on its vast canvas of space, twinkling to a tempo in silent rhythm. My existence felt tiny as more stars began to show their faces across the firmament. I shivered as the night chill settled upon my skin. The rawness cut through me, but my heart was numb to sensation.
The four seasons are moving through their course, set in motion by the Creator and observed by the month on our calendars. Spring has ushered in warm breezes heavy with pollen, new life emerging from every aspect of creation. My heart also senses a disruption unfolding deep within itself, as the calendar moves forward but my life stands still. A paradox unraveling.
Sleep escapes my eyes as the clock mocks me reading 3:00am, my soul yearning for answers from The Living God. There is a conflict rising in my soul between my belief in Your faithful promises and the unfulfilled miracle that looms in my heart, Lord.
The ground beneath my outstretched body was dry and strong with its earthy scent, my tears moistening the dirt as they fell from my cheeks. A steady wind caused the trees to sway in synchronism, echoing like rushing waters. Caught-up in my agony, I failed to notice the sounds of nature fall silent, succumbing to a shift in the atmosphere as the Lord appeared at my side.
There is a sweet smell in the air as I stand surrounded by creation. Clouds are rolling across the light blue sky, riding the Holy Spirit’s gentle breeze. All creation is in flight, moving to the music of Your heart and swaying to the rhythm of Your Spirit as You sing over me. I am waiting for You Lord: please meet with me to renew a Right Spirit within me.
I woke up a prisoner inside my own mind, held captive by a vortex spinning up at the collision of two fronts advancing upon my soul.
Here I sit in the waiting room of life, stuck between what was and what is to come. Nothing seems to be happening in this place of suspension. An area filled with people while feeling strangely alone.